The fear and hatred of the feminine and the rigid adherence to gender roles is what underpins individual and societal intolerance of homosexuality. The line so often rehearsed by gay men that they ‘I just don’t find campness sexy’ is so common and is left so unexamined as to represent a serious failing in us to look at ourselves in the mirror. Just as homophobic supposedly straight people fear us because of what we represent in themselves, so too does campness in other gay men trigger distaste around that which we know is in ourselves. Until we learn to love and embrace our own campness we will never truly be a community that looks out for one another.